Do you think playing a certain instrument can make a person more or less attractive?
Does signing a commission check count as "playing an instrument"?
It's mostly multiple-choice questions, though really, asking which instrument is the sexiest and not including "accordion" is like asking which Prime Minister is the greatest and not including "Churchill." And maybe I'm old-fashioned, but under "How many sexual partners have you had?" I would have included "1,003" just for sentimental reasons.
What is the most romantic thing you have ever done?
Once, I was overcome by madness and threw myself into the Rhine—oh, wait! Sorry! Lower-case r. My bad.
The questions do get pretty personal, and although they "can assure you this is completely confidential", you just know that if you show an unusual predilection for the oboe, your picture is going to end up on the cover of Blair Tindall's next book. Still, I suppose it's an optimistic sign that some group of marketers out there thinks that the classical-music demographic somehow overlaps with the readers of Cosmopolitan. In next month's issue: 16 alternate fingerings that will leave him begging for more!
Pin-up by the legendary Pearl Frush, courtesy of The Pin-Up Files (parts of which are definitely NSFW, as if you needed to ask).